Life as a Mum can be hard at times. Very enjoyable at other times too, but on the tough days, there's nothing like it.
And I only have one to look after!
If I'm honest, I don't think I was able to take to motherhood as well as I had hoped. Or maybe I didn't really think about it until it was here because I knew I would struggle - albeit I knew I would get through it in the end.
Either way, it wasn't an easy transition for me.
I was filled with much conflict around my role and who I was. Let's not forget, Baby A was a honeymoon baby. So all of a sudden was I a wife? Mother? Career woman? Property re-furber? Landlord? Home-maker?
I wasn't sure. All I was sure of is I didn't feel able to give myself properly to anything. So I didn't feel very good at anything. And that's not a fun place to be.
But it's not all bad. Here we are, a few months on, and the world feels like an entirely different place. We have sleep. I have structred childcare in place - and it works. I still get some quality time with my daughter every single day. And we have at least one thing a month in the diary for me and Mr Big. Business isn't booming, but it is constant. There is progress on the house. And life feels better.
BUT the B I G change had to start within me - because I don't think I would, or could, have felt any better about myself if I hadn't changed my perception of what it was I wanted, and, therefore, what I expected of myself.
It is true that I am driven and ambitious and have always been. But aren't we supposed to think anything is possible these days? And aren't we supposed to use our education we take so much for granted? And arent' we supposed to therefore have a great career, as well as a home, and a husband, and a family, and be altogether perfect in each and every way?
OK, so I'm exaggerating a little. But it does feel like that sometimes. And it is hard to know where to draw the line if you are feeling like you are not good at any one thing.
So I decided I owed it to myself to feel better about everything. And I decided to start accepting my lot.
Writing this blog has been helpful. It has given me reason to look at each day in a different light - to make sure I capture some of the things that are funny or special - things that otherwise may have just been moments which passed and were forgotten.
And in writing about them later on after they have happened, I have laughed at things that otherwise might have made me cry. And I have focused on the things that make me smile in my writing, which has in itself made me see just how much I do have that I enjoy.
And in writing, I have to make a little time that's just for me. And that in itself is like a little daily treat I can look forward to.
I have realised I am a Mummy now, and that is forever! So I will not be 'empire building' in my business - or not for the forseeable future anyway. So yes, it means I will have to make sacrifices - as there won't be the money to pay for things as I thought perhaps there would - and yes, that has not been an easy thing for me to accept - but now I finally have started to accept it, I can let go of it. And that brings with it a freedom to feel better.
I have no idea if this will make sense to you. Perhaps if you are not in the same situation it will sound a little bonkers. But then again, you probably already think that if you're a regular reader!
I guess I wanted to just put this out there as I know I would have found it comforting if I had read that someone else knew what I was going through - and that it gets better. It does. Life starts to click into place once you realise you don't have to keep hold of everything. In fact, the only person making you is you. And likewise you are also the only person who can tell you it's ok to let some things go.
WM x
And I only have one to look after!
If I'm honest, I don't think I was able to take to motherhood as well as I had hoped. Or maybe I didn't really think about it until it was here because I knew I would struggle - albeit I knew I would get through it in the end.
Either way, it wasn't an easy transition for me.
I was filled with much conflict around my role and who I was. Let's not forget, Baby A was a honeymoon baby. So all of a sudden was I a wife? Mother? Career woman? Property re-furber? Landlord? Home-maker?
I wasn't sure. All I was sure of is I didn't feel able to give myself properly to anything. So I didn't feel very good at anything. And that's not a fun place to be.
But it's not all bad. Here we are, a few months on, and the world feels like an entirely different place. We have sleep. I have structred childcare in place - and it works. I still get some quality time with my daughter every single day. And we have at least one thing a month in the diary for me and Mr Big. Business isn't booming, but it is constant. There is progress on the house. And life feels better.
BUT the B I G change had to start within me - because I don't think I would, or could, have felt any better about myself if I hadn't changed my perception of what it was I wanted, and, therefore, what I expected of myself.
It is true that I am driven and ambitious and have always been. But aren't we supposed to think anything is possible these days? And aren't we supposed to use our education we take so much for granted? And arent' we supposed to therefore have a great career, as well as a home, and a husband, and a family, and be altogether perfect in each and every way?
OK, so I'm exaggerating a little. But it does feel like that sometimes. And it is hard to know where to draw the line if you are feeling like you are not good at any one thing.
So I decided I owed it to myself to feel better about everything. And I decided to start accepting my lot.
Writing this blog has been helpful. It has given me reason to look at each day in a different light - to make sure I capture some of the things that are funny or special - things that otherwise may have just been moments which passed and were forgotten.
And in writing about them later on after they have happened, I have laughed at things that otherwise might have made me cry. And I have focused on the things that make me smile in my writing, which has in itself made me see just how much I do have that I enjoy.
And in writing, I have to make a little time that's just for me. And that in itself is like a little daily treat I can look forward to.
I have realised I am a Mummy now, and that is forever! So I will not be 'empire building' in my business - or not for the forseeable future anyway. So yes, it means I will have to make sacrifices - as there won't be the money to pay for things as I thought perhaps there would - and yes, that has not been an easy thing for me to accept - but now I finally have started to accept it, I can let go of it. And that brings with it a freedom to feel better.
I have no idea if this will make sense to you. Perhaps if you are not in the same situation it will sound a little bonkers. But then again, you probably already think that if you're a regular reader!
I guess I wanted to just put this out there as I know I would have found it comforting if I had read that someone else knew what I was going through - and that it gets better. It does. Life starts to click into place once you realise you don't have to keep hold of everything. In fact, the only person making you is you. And likewise you are also the only person who can tell you it's ok to let some things go.
WM x
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